Without respond
by The Darkness and the Light
Summary: If you writing a letter, do you accept an answer? In this case NO. Serena has brown hair and grey eyes nothing like her friend Star, the name fit her perfectly and she is going to marry...Darien.
1. SUMMARY

**Summary.**

Well in this story I changed the appearance of our favourite character. Not because I don't like her appearance 9 in the matter of fact I DO like her appearance), but because I want to show that the inner beauty is very important. Serena has brown hair, grey eyes nothing special, but her friend - Star has blond hair and baby blue eyes. Of course Darien chooses Star over Serena.

Maybe you are mad at me for this but the end will be surprising, I don't guarantee a Happy Ending but it will surprising.

**SEASON:** Alternative reality.

**CHARACTERS**: Serena Livingstone, Darien Shields, Star Brown.

**PLACE:** now, anywhere you want.

**STATUS:** not completed.


	2. Chapter 1: Prologue

Prologue.

Serena set on the chair above her computer and start to write. To write a letter, a letter which may be will never get an answer. Her long brown hair was left down and her beautiful grey eyes was dazing somewhere in the thin air which was apparently nothing. Long pale fingers were squeezing a silver pen, her mind was not definitely here. On the table was laying a piece of black paper. At last she start to write very slow like she was trying to memorise every single word she was writing on the paper:

" I love you. Yes, I love you from the first time I saw you. Do you remember the first time I saw you? It was 5 years ago when I first arrive in our school, when I was fifteen. I was so afraid : new school, new friends, new life. And when I saw you, and I forgot about my fears, I saw in your face an old friend whom I was not remembering but was caring dearly. But lets go on, it is happy and painful memories at the same time.

I know you love another woman, I knew it from the start. You do not love me or care about me, but it is OK. I can understand why, I am not beautiful or very smart, I am a klutz and sometimes too shy, too silent to notice me. Three days ago I had a hope, one single hope in my heart that you will notice me and will love me, like I do, in return. For five years I was believing in this crap, yes now it is crap for me because I found out that you will marry someone, someone I know so well and sure I love her as much as you do. I was surprised in the first, I was surprised then she said "yes". I know she is not in love with you, she told me this so many times this, that I was sick of it. Really I was sick from my jealousy, but with time I understood that you loved her and was happy with her on your side. I know you are happy even now, and then you are happy I am happy too, did you knew this? No, I am sure you did not knew this, you even do not notice that I care about you, of course it was my fault I was trying so hard to hide it from you; I was afraid that if you find out this, you would laugh at me and reject me. Who am I kidding? I am still afraid and of course you will never find out that I love you. This letter supposed to go in fireplace in my apartment. I just want to tell someone about my feelings. You know then I was little I was dreaming about a life, a life like fairytale. Where was a prince, my charming prince and I was the beautiful princess; when I grow up you was this prince but I wasn't a princess anymore I am princess's lady-in-waiting, the princess is now your future wife, she deserves you and I don't. Now, with my heart broken I will be live in this cold world without love, without friends, without you. You will never read this letter but now I am feeling better and I am ready to go out of my illusion and I hope I can make it. 'Hope' this is strange; I thought I lost it and I did, now I realize that I have nothing left. But I don't blame you or your beloved one, you and she was the most beautiful thing that happened to me in my whole life. Yes, Darien you were and I want you "to know" that I will always love you, silently but I will, no matter what happens I will be always there for you...and her."

Serena stood up and went in bathroom the letter left on the table. She quickly filled the bathroom with hot water and removed the jeans and blue T-shirt she was wearing. Serena jumped in the bathroom and closed her eyes trying to relax but the thoughts of the young man was hunting her, the images of him: laughing, smiling, serious, mad, sad. She knew him so well and he was always so cute; even if he did not knew her so well…or is it just her imagination? Serena got angry of herself and shouted "Urgh! I can't take it anymore, I must go out to talk to someone!" she climbed out of the bath taking a towel on her way she went toward the door which was the only thing white colored in this "pink-type" bathroom, but stopped in the middle of the room "Where am I thinking I going without my bathroom suit!...And why this room is so damn pink!" Serena snapped with anger and tears started to fall from her eyes, collapsed on her knees and started to sob "Please stop it! Please you promise you want cry about it! Please it is not worth it! … but he worth it, he worth even more than me." At the time then Serena was crying in bathroom in the hall started to ring her phone. Serena stopped to sob and silently went to the hall and took the phone.

"Serena here." She said trying to calm herself.

"Hey, Serena it is me! I want to talk to you, can you come to our usual place?" answer a cheerful voice. A warm smile crossed Serena's face.

"Hi Star, is it really so important? I am not in the mood right now." replied Serena looking in the mirror above her; the reflection showed a girl with wet brown hair, pale skin and almost red eyes.

"What happen? Is it something about John?" asked Star.

"Yes…Something like that…we had a little fight, that's all." Serena lied about her "false" boyfriend.

"Oh! I am so sorry Sere. But it is really important for me and I hope for you too, can you just come to arcade? Please?" she begged her friend knowing that she wouldn't resist her BEST friend in whole world.

"OK, where are you now? Are you in arcade?" asked Serena a little bit annoyed with Star.

"Yes, can you make it? In 30 minutes? What do you say?" happy voice of Star rang on the phone.

"That's fine with me, I will be there in 30 minutes." With this words Serena hang up the phone and went to her room, in the room she saw the letter she wanted to burn; but now it is just don't seems right, she took it and place it in the closet under the big white box with huge red bow and a little card saying: "To Darien and Star, on their wedding day. With love Serena."


	3. Chapter 2: The Big News?

Chapter 1

The arcade was noisy, like always. Serena saw Star in the corner of her eye she was in the usual booth, the last one on the balcony. The memories stream to her like it was storm in the spring. 'Here yes here we talk with her about everything from tests in the school to cute boys and lost loves, but never, never we talk about Darien's and her relationship. Ah, Star why do it hurt so much?'. Serena rushed to the both before Star would notice her, she was 5 minutes early it was a record for her. She stood behind the form in the blue dress and closed Star's eyes with her palms. The girl jumped from her surprise and turned to look on the Serena. She was wearing a blue sundress and her long blonde shiny hair was made in low ponytail "Beautiful as always." Mumbled Serena the usual compliment, that she knew her friend was needed for her confidence even if she was really beautiful, but Serena felt very embarrassment then she was saying this and always was blushing, today wasn't exception. Star smiled brightly and hugged her best friend.

"Hi, Sere! You are early I waited you to come in half hour at least!" said Star with sly smile on her lips. Serena made a grin "You are so mean Star, if I often late it doesn't mean that I never in my time, so stop it!" Serena replied playfully. "Now, tell me about what did you want to talk about, is it something wrong?"

"Uhh, Sere, not right now give me a second to look at you and ask you how are you?" answered the blonde girl. Then she stepped back and look at the Serena. Serena was wearing a white silk top and a black mini-skirt with silver design on it, looks like it was little hearts or snow flakes, they were very tiny. Star thought for second, Serena really looked nice even if she was a little bit short and her hair was not so gold us hers, dirty blonde – this was the color of Serena's hair, even if she were insisting that her hair was brown (sometimes it looked brown, but only when they were wet or in the dark) . 'And she is not so short as she says she is , I think her height is just fine; of course she is shorter than I am but for normal people she is just fine. Her self-confidence is in such low level. May be I can cheer her up with the news. I really hope that she will be glad about this one, she is one of my best friends.'

"Do you know that to stare like that is not proper?" laughed Serena, Star blushed from the comment, she did not realized that all the time she was looking on the Serena.

"You just look so good, I amazed that's all….Umh…How are you? " Star didn't lied.

"I am great, why do you ask?"

"I am your friend and we hadn't met for awhile." Actually they hadn't met for week, the last time Star saw Serena it was on the friend's party.

"No, it is not that, usually you know what happening to me and never ask how am I. Tell me what do you have on you mind?"

'She got me, I never could trick her, she is too damn smart. Oh, it is OK I will just say the truth.'

"Well, Serena I will tell you what I have on my mind, you look great but your eyes are puffy like you were crying and I want to know…no I demand to know what is happening to you, is it the fight you had with John?"

Serena was shocked is that so obvious that she was a rap. No, probably now but Star knew her so well and it was obvious for her. Serena tried, she tried to hide her sorrow, but failed miserably. But what she supposed to do now; her friend, her BEST friend were marrying the man Serena loved . Even if she can't hide her unhappiness, she must hide the reason of her grief. Anyway, she must be happy for her friend or look happy, that's the same thing.

"No, Star it is not that, I was not crying at all, I just took a bath before you called me; the soap got into my eyes , that's why they are puffy. And this fight with John, it is nothing bad just argument. Gees, Star you are overreacting." That's was the half truth and with this thought she gave the most bright smile of her to her suspicious friend.

Star glanced at her at the first, but than relaxed. This smile of her, the most bright Star ever saw on the people, this wasn't the smile of the deceiver, this was the smile of an angel, may be an angel who suffered a lot. But this wasn't the thoughts of the Star.

Everyone were telling Serena that she was a bad liar, it wasn't true; she was a good liar than she wanted to, but before this she never wanted to. This was her first official deceive to her friend.

And Star believed her, she truly did. May be she was loosing her true self or her magic ability to see when people were lying to her, or may be Serena was essentially a very good liar.

"Sorry, Serena, I didn't want you to think like that I was just worried about you, I am just overprotective about you, you are like sister to me. You know this……Look, I came here to say to you that my wedding is soon and I want you to help me with preparations……if you can and want, it is really important for me." Star was serious but in the and her voice started to shake, 'Is she nervous? She weren't nervous around me since middle high school, that's strange.' Thought Serena. "Star, it will be my pleasure to help you with your wedding; but you are a little bit strange it is August now and your wedding is in February, you have a plenty of time for preparations."

"No, Serena, see we talked about that with Darien and we agreed to marry in the beginning of November, so I haven't so many time for preparations." Serena's month opened to say protests like I am not ready to see him and you married. , but stopped - she had no rights to say this.

"Bu…but..but why? Something is wrong?" her voice started to tremble. Star smiled warmly "Nothing is wrong, but something happened, this was the thing I wanting to say to you ; you will be the first person who find this out. And I hope this is will make you happy, happy for me." Star was exciting and Serena was nervous: 'The last time she talked like this was the time she told me about her engagement with Darien'

"Whatever it is Star tell me, I will be glad for you."

"Well you know….I am pregnant " said Star with brilliant smile.

Serena visibly paled, Darien was going to marry her best friend plus now Star is pregnant with his child; it is something Serena couldn't give Darien even if she wanted to, even if he wanted it to. Serena couldn't have children; she never told this anyone, really she never had time to told this. She went to the doctor for check-up about four months ago, she was filing unwell. After some analyze doctor said that she had a problem, a big one - she never could have kids. She remembered that day like it was yesterday.

Flashback

"Ah, Serena, you were actually the person I wanted to talk, please take a sit." Said the doctor. Doctor Anderson, he was an elder man with small glasses and very friendly eyes, his hair was some mix of brown with silver, he was tall and in very good shape for his age; he was a family doctor and a good friend to Livingston's many years, Serena knew his family very, really his family was only his wife and his daughter. Mrs. Anderson, with long blue hair and same eyes, was very elegant and beautiful; she was doctor too, but not in this hospital, Serena never understood why she was away from her husband, but after all it wasn't Serena's business and that's why she never asked. His daughter, Amy was a student in the Medical university, and looked exactly like her mother only younger and with shorter hair, but Serena didn't have a chance to know her better , she barely knew her.

"Lucky me!" Serena giggled but stopped than she saw the quiet serious face of the doctor and felt very uncomfortable and nervous, even if it was her usual feelings in the hospital, that's why she told the stupid joke 'to break the ice' and to calm herself (Really, that's never worked) something was wrong and she knew that.

"Serena, please, you must now calm down and listen to me very carefully." Now even Serena heard the worry in his voice. It was so different from the cheerful usual self of the 'Uncle Andy'.

"OK," Serena's voice started to tremble somehow she felt that anything he would say now was very important, "is something wrong with me?"

"Look, Serena, dear" started Dr. Anderson "I am sure that somehow we will fix this, I will do anything I can for you just don't worry about it, please just don't worry," in this moment Serena's lower lip started to tremble, " from the tests we made it seems like you can't have kids, that's why you had this pains in your stomach b…"

At first she stared at him, but than it hit her, she paled and looked like you could see through her skin; she felt no better – like ghost without life, without purpose to live, without someone who could see her, just walking pointless on the road of life. She gaze on the doctor one last time, her lip stopped to tremble and she stood up trying to hide the eyes which were already filled with tears, 'Just try to be strong Serena, you are strong remember this, please just don't cry.'. She cut him from his speech.

"Thank you, Dr. Anderson, for everything, I just hope you will keep my privacy and don't tell about this to my parents or someone who knows me…." Her voice became whisper in the end and she blinked to keep the tears from falling "I will…go now. Bye." With this words she stormed from his office and started to run blindly to the exit, unable to keep tears from falling she started to cry. Then she turned on the another hallway she bumped in something hard and fell on the floor, tears stopped to fall from her eyes and she mumbled "Sorry, it was my fault, I wasn't looking." she rose and looked in the person she just bumped, and froze 'Damn it, what is he doing here, now? I don't want him to see me like this! He wasn't supposed to be here today, it is his day-off!'

"Serena? What are you doing here? What happened?" there, in front of her stood Dr. Shields…….Dr. Darien Shields.

"Hey, hi! I was just….visiting a family friend of mine…Dr. Anderson, do you know him?" I said trying to sound more happy than ever. "Anyway…I must to go now! See you!" she took off as faster as she could.

She locked herself in the home for three days without eating anything, but then she realized that she must go on with her life, that the heart ache she felt was not going to pass that easy. " I must to try." That was her words then.

End of Flashback


End file.
